Why you Fail

Think of something in your life that you’ve wanted to accomplish but haven’t. Something deep down. Whether it’s because you haven’t gotten around to it, are too timid to go for it, or you took a shot and failed spectacularly. Conjure up in your mind that big failure of your life. Perhaps you’re in the middle of it now.

It goes without saying, we all fuck up big time. That’s obvious. Of course, some of us are better at it than others, but that’s kind of obvious too. And then there are those who string along coulda-shoulda moments throughout their life like the toilet paper I used to string up along my neighbor’s house as a kid — a failure so consistent, it borders on art.

In the years I’ve spent helping other people overcome their personal issues, I’ve often been asked what the biggest cause of failure was that I’ve come across.

Some people have relationship problems, some have money problems, others have anxiety issues, etc. But the biggest problems I’ve seen in many of these people were not specific to relationships, money, confidence or whatever. It’s easy to figure out how to ask someone out, or how to start a business, or how to just do something even when you’re afraid. Dealing with your fear of abandonment, or your toxic money habits, or your screwed up beliefs about what others think about you? That’s a tad more involved.

Chances are, a profound struggle in one area of your life will bleed over into other aspects of your life. The principles of failure are rarely prejudiced. The behaviors and thoughts that sabotage you in one area of your life will stalk you in other areas. That reticence to ever ask someone out on a date probably plays out in your failure to move to a new city, to take that new job, the timidity around your domineering co-workers, your passive-aggressive relationships with your family members.

When confronted with life’s biggest opportunities, most of us shit the bed. And then we enact a number of strategies to avoid the pain and pressure inherent in reaching for our dreams. Below are 10 of the most common strategies for reluctance I can think of. We’ll start at the shallow end and work our way to the deep end. Read it and weep.